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Fancy

Good thing tonight is New Year’s Eve and I’ll be partying all night (yeah, I’m cool like that), because after watching the visuals for A$AP Rocky‘s ”Long Live A$AP”, I’m too f**king scared to sleep ever again.

The song itself is ethereal and macabre, but the video takes things to a darker, weirder level, as devoid of “big-bootied bitches” as it is full of bizarre Biblicism. Shot almost entirely in black-and-white, the video finds Rocky in a House of Usher-esque castle, where he raps from atop a throne while women with spears fight each other. It’s kind of like that scene from The Scorpion King, except not at all.

Later, he wears a bulletproof vest, then a skirt that he presumably borrowed from Kanye while the latter artist was busy impregnating Kim Kardashian. Seriously, this is the scariest abstract video made by a musician since Jennifer Lopez’s agent had an aneurysm and let her “star” in The Cell. 

At 0:50, Rocky pets a kitten. Because he’s rapping about a kitten. This is by far the most literal moment in the entire video.

It’s a pretty impressive music video, and one that will inspire a mind-numbing internet argument about “illuminati” influences in rap. I just found it pretty unexpected considering the deliciously one-dimensional nature of his previous, also black-and-white music video for “F**kin’ Problems”. That one is literally just him, Drake, 2Chainz and K. Dot rapping at fat-butted chicks. Art!

Rocky’s album Long.Live.A$AP drops January 15th.